Production Week 2

I'm usually the person who stays positive and it's important to maintain morale when you are leading any team of people. I'm always the person who can pick up on everyone's feelings in a group setting as well. It's a blessing and a curse because on the one hand I can use those skills to treat people how they like to be treated in order to get the performance out of them that I need, but on the other hand, I start to become aware of the anxieties and drama that can undoubtedly plague any group of people at points, and that can weigh heavily.

As a director, I find myself constantly worried about other people. I want my actors to be happy. I want my crew to be eating and resting. I want to make sure the person who owns the property we are shooting on feels comfortable. I want to make sure that everybody is staying level headed as the long days drag on. I worry less about myself and that helps me cope with my brain that never stops spinning.

"LATE AT NIGHT WHEN I'M TUCKED INTO BED, VISIONS OF THE CUTTING ROOM DANCE IN MY HEAD."

But, seriously, I'm cutting in my sleep. When I wake up in the morning before the shoot, I am out of bed like a flash and my adrenaline kicks in and I just cast aside my appetite and I erase anything in my mind that doesn't surround my film. I become completely engulfed in it. It's like the world isn't spinning around me. This level of craziness doesn't begin to subside until we have the first shot in the books. Slowly, things begin to settle down for me as the crew starts to feel out how the day will go. Again, it's so crucial to set that tone. This weekend was quite different from last weekend. We had a huge house, much larger than the average person's house. But, once you fill the house with crew, actors, food service and tons of gear, it gets quite small. As the hours pass and the natives get restless, things start to get interesting. But, as they say, what happens in Vegas...

Day 1. It took us some time to get into our groove. We spent the better part of three hours setting up and covering just three shots in the same scene. This might mean something different to each person who reads this, depending on so many factors, but for me, this was a lot of time for what we covered. We were jumping around all over the script in order to keep lighting schemes lit just once and we covered a lot of ground day 1. We wrapped early and as the day closed, I was feeling confident that we were starting to have the makings of a film finally!

Day 2. When I opened my eyes on day 2, my body felt that I hadn't had a day off since three Sundays previous. My motivation to get out of bed was seriously lacking. Physically, I felt like a train wreck. Mentally, I wasn't sure I had it in me. The level of exhaustion I am talking about is when you are contemplating throwing your dreams in the trash and staying in bed for the next 24 hours. If I were 25 year old me, instead of 35 year old me, I might have let that happen. It was difficult, and I was worried I would show up and present myself to the crew in a crap mood. I was feeling pressured and stressed about a professional actor coming to set because I wanted to make sure that she felt comfortable and that her time was valued by us and worth it for her. When dozens of people come out and donate their time to make YOUR dreams come true, that's incredibly stressful. I feel a massive pressure to make each and every person who spent a day on my set proud of the work they've done on this film. But, I welcome this feeling because it keeps me going.

"WHAT THE F$#& AM I DOING?!"

We are headed into week three as you are reading this and we have decided to do a reshoot day for week 1. I wasn't happy with every single scene that we shot the first weekend. Some of the footage was great, but some was acceptable and some was heavily flawed and I just can't bring forth a film that isn't the best I could do. This week before reshoots, I step into the role of the editor and put most of the scenes for the film together to see where it's at. It's exciting to think that most of the principal photography is done, but it's also scary because I can't helping thinking thoughts like

"IS THIS REALLY IT? DID WE FORGET SOMETHING?"

The process is fun and it's grueling and it's full of WHAT IFs. I try to eliminate as many of the what ifs as possible before stepping on set for so many reasons. The biggest thing I've learned from studying film production is that there is nothing that will happen to you or any misconception you can create in your mind that hasn't already happened to someone else. I say this because it's important to listen to your(well written) textbooks and listen to your masters and mentors about the DOs and DONTs of filmmaking. When you get into that WHAT IF territory you start to lose touch with your script, the meaning of your film and the goals that you have set forth. I cannot remember a shoot I've been on in the last two years that didn't have the WHAT IFs. What if we changed this part of the story? What if we add this shot? What if we shoot it from here? What if she doesn't say that? What if we film at this location instead of this one? I'm proud to say that we planned the hell out of this shoot and we knew what we were getting ourselves into. Mostly. Could we have planned more? Hell yes! But, we stuck to the plan we had and it worked out great for the most part. A few what ifs are inevitable and most likely warranted, but planning is key.

"I DON'T NEED A MAP. I CAN'T BE DIRECTED. I'VE GOT THE MADNESS, DON'T NEED THE METHOD."